How to Scratch Someone’s back

They’re something you do once the power goes out and you don’t have any other choices. Candles are for ambiance only: use lights with dimmers, or indirect light from another room. Linens: A tablecloth goes a long way in dressing the place up to make it look more formal. Here’s one place where I’ll take a definitive stance: make use of a white tablecloth. I don’t care if your date’s favorite color is pink, blue, green, mauve…go with white. If you must, throw favorite colors in with a placemat. If the fantasy you’re building requires some color other than white ( e.g. maybe you make use of a red and white checkered tablecloth for a picnic), then go for it, but you can’t, in my opinion, ever make a mistake with a white tablecloth. The Music Forget trying to create the ambiance of a formal environment to pretend you’re somewhere you’re not with regards to You want the music to put you both in a good mood…a good mood, not a sexual mood. Take Sade and Barry White off your playlist. No Sexual Healing either. Those are for the “lots of candles” nights, or maybe at the very tail end of your playlist for a romantic dinner. Play music you listen to together that puts you both in a good mood: Music that gets you both tapping your feet, dancing in your chairs, and singing along with the lyrics.

At the end of the day, it’s quite simple: Create intimacy. Show your significant other that you love them, by actively loving them. Do things that show you’ve paid attention to your significant other, and that you’re accommodating their needs. Create an environment that enables both of you to be involved with a fantasy together. Play music that shows your significant other that you love them for the person they are and that you’re there to truly have a good time with them, enjoy their company, and share in a fun experience. Make romance your destination. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Date Ideas, Tips & Advice Tagged in: cooking, dates, romance, romantic dinner So here we have been on Turkey Day and I’m up at a somewhat respectable hour. Go me! I composed a piece around 3am, mind you. It was a profanity-laced tirade of… irrelevance? Anyway, the point is, on this day of thanks, I’d like to share some things I’m thankful about. I’m thankful for my health, even though I feel like I move like an old man.

I recently became aware, that our dear Taylor Cast will be training for a marathon in the coming year. Perhaps that’s some added motivation. I’m thankful for being an “accidental blogger.” I never really intended to have a long running blog, yet here this blog is… Three years old. (yes, November is the Urban Dater’s birthday month, kids) I’m thankful for the awesome friends I’ve met due to being this so-called “accidental blogger.” Single Much, Simone Grant, Jack From Bkln, Sherri Langburt, Miss Melisa Mae, Ross Felix and so many more. You all are so freaking awesome. I’m thankful for adversity… I’m thankful for my awesome friends and family. I’m thankful for the opportunities that have been coming my way of late. I’m thankful for the internet and the Downfall Meme. I’m thankful to be able to accomplish what exactly I love ( don’t be a pevert, ya lil jerks) I’m thankful for those times when I’m out on a walk with my best girl… Those are the times when we discuss all sorts of things and stuff… Some of it serious, some of it… less than serious and downright silly. I’m thankful for the big fluff of fur that belongs to a cat named Chester. He drools Lastly, I’m thankful that almost two years ago I was able to overcome my fear of committment, swallow my pride and ask a girl out on a date who had no reason to accept… Her saying “yes” has made all the difference in this guy’s insignificant little life and contains made me an extremely happy man. So, what are you thankful for, kids?

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Special Tagged in: thanksgiving We all have our “rules to live by” don’t we?  There are things that we do or don’t do according to our own experiences. Some of you, who are single, wouldn’t conceive of going after someone who’s married.  While others see it as a brand spankin’ new challenge. For me, one of my rules to live by is never meeting a girl for the first time, if she’s out with friends.  I’ve done this a few times before and it’s just did not work favorably for me.

I’m Not Quite Sure How To Accept Your Love Yet

First off, the object of my affections isn’t really concentrating most of her attention on me.  Am I an attention whore?  Well, perhaps… To a degree… Okay, look! I like the attention and I really do like engaging someone and I think it’s really important, especially that first time. I don’t believe that engagement really happens when other friends are involved.  That’s just my opinion.

Having said that, I’m throwing my rules out the window tonight.  I am going to go meet a gal, Jan, I met online and have talked to on the phone.  She seems really nice and we have a lot of things in common… I know that when I go to see her, she’s going to have some friends with her and a couple of them could be drunk.  My gut tells me this is a bad idea.  But, to hell with it, I’m going to go meet up and see what happens.  Details to follow… Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details Tagged in: observations, Self Sometimes it seems like it’s a coordinated effort. Most of these women on these various dating sites smattering the “ What I’m looking for” portion of their profile with something like “No, I’m not buying a one night stand, so please don’t ask” or “If you’re just buying a one night stand, move along.” Hmm. Fair enough. Women, if you’re on a free dating site and you’re annoyed by the men who just want to fuck you, causing you to put a clause that says “I’m not here for one night stands” I’m going to tell you one thing! STOP IT!!!! Look, here’s the thing y’all.

Free online dating sites are free for all. It’s easy to can get on such a site and start sending unsolicited cock pics and say things like: “Hey baby, my favorite Care Bear was Fuckalot.” Free sites are where people who want one night stands flock to. Craigslist anyone? Shit, that site gave me a good number of disposable poon. Sure, it’s a ugly thought, but, hey, that’s why I was there. Guess what? I’m not alone, people! Even on OkCupid, the standard-bearer of all free online dating sites, women can’t get away from the fact that there are dudes looking one night stands; as evidenced when I peruse the countless profiles with that disclaimer at the end about not wanting one-night nookie. Deal with it. That’s what free online dating means. One night bang sessions.

I know, the truth hurts. “OMG, Alex,” you cry, “but there just has to be some type of good guy on OkCupid that doesn’t just want me for sex. Right” Sure, of course there was, but you don’t give two shits about that guy. The guy that doesn’t want a one night stand exists on free online dating sites and often looks like his face got caught in a bear trap or has the personality of an empty plastic cup of iced coffee that’s been sitting out in a gutter for a month. No, no. That you do not WANT the kind of guy that doesn’t want one night stand bootie. Or do you? By putting yourself on a free dating site, you’re encouraging the one-night stand behavior, you’re writing those disclaimers about… I’ve talked to a amount of women who get a ton of messages from guys who are hitting them up saying things like “sweetie,” “baby,” “nice tits” and more… detailed. A couple of my female friends have confided that, to a degree, they love the attention. Nevertheless they just want a good guy. That’s reasonable. Don’t we all? Well, in my case, I’d like a good girl.

Good girls are everywhere to be found, but why the fuck would a woman who wants a “good guy,” who doesn’t want a one night stand, put a profile up on a free online dating site? That’s just insane! Free dating sites stop short of putting the punany on a platter and serve it up to any who are buying… That’s crazy to me. Free dating sites are custom-made for people to have their bang on. And, yeah, yeah, maybe you met your long-term boyfriend there, or your husband, wife, fiance, life-mate, whatever; doesn’t change the fact that if one night stand poon was on the table that they’d take it. So, Ladies, if you find yourself pissed off, dejected, depressed or plain exasperated because all the guys on your free dating site only want to bang you, I’ll tell you these words: STOP IT!!!!!!! And go sign up for a paid dating site like eHarmony or… Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook14Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating, Opinion Conversation: It’s to a date what Conan is always to the Barbarian; what Murray’s Pomade is to Brian Setzer’s hair; what Bruce Lee is always to taking ass and kicking names. I think you receive the point… Yeah, it’s that important. I’m not the best conversationalist on earth. I’d say I’m pretty average.

nonetheless, in my dating adventures I’ve learned how to converse with people that have varied and disparate interests from my own.

Ask the Urban Dater: How Do I Have the STD Talk With My Partner?

One thing that is common from person to person is that, irrespective of their shyness, they like to discuss themselves and their interests. In addition to people wanting to talk about themselves there’s another basic principal that I base my conversation philosophy on: Open and Closed questions. Questions and answers are the basis of most any conversation; generally used to continue or initiate a conversation. Knowing the difference between the two can help you to spot where you might be failing in conversation. Also finding balance in the conversation is key. That you do not want to dominate or be dominated in the conversation. Finding the right mix is impossible; nonetheless, finding something close is pretty easy. Closed Questions There are two definitions which can be used to describe closed questions. One such definition is that a closed question could be answered with either a single word answer or short phrase response or could be answered with a “yes” or a “no.” In most cases, if you’re on a date you wish to engage your date and stay engaged by them. As such, closed questions should be used to open a conversation; otherwise they should be kept at a minimum unless you have other follow up questions ready to go. Some closed questions would be: ‘How are you?’ or ‘How old are you?’ and ‘is that a spork in front of you?’ Closed questions, in summary, can be used best when opening a conversation. For example, ‘Isn’t it a nice day?’ or ‘Where do you live?’ Closed questions can also be used to test for understanding as well, to ensure that you understand your date. And, if you’re a manipulative terd, then closed questions could be used to set a mood and even suggest a certain outcome… It’s all in the delivery and how you ask these questions; and I’m not necessarily here to tell you how to manipulate people. If I knew how I’d be earning a hefty pay check and not writing blogs. Open Questions.

an open question seeks, as its purpose, a lengthy response; quite the opposite of a closed question. Open questions require one to think and reflect; they require one to share opinions and feelings; and, most importantly, they allow one to pass control of the conversation to one another. Some questions that fall in this category are: ‘How do you keep focused on school?’ ‘What would you do for fun in your spare time?’ and ‘What did you do this week?’ These questions require reflection and thought and will give you a lengthier response. Such questions usually begin with: How, what, what and describe. But undoubtedly there are a lot of methods to initiate a open question. Open questions, as I stated, pass control and allow one to share the conversation with someone else, in this case, their date. It can be scary to do that, though. Nonetheless, a well-placed question leaves you in control as you’re able to potentially steer their interest and engage them where you are most comfortable with them. Balance, it’s not nearly getting the right number of Fiber in your diet. As for finding a good balance in conversation between two people on a date there’s really no magic “rule,” so to speak. But mixing in a couple closed questions with an open question seems to work well for me… However, I find that if you are able to get your date to ask YOU open questions you then’re definitely on the right track. This empowers you to intrigue you date with your wit, charm and awful jokes or intrigue your date with incomplete stories. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Tips & Advice Tagged in: advice, Conversation, For Men, For Women In the days of dating yore, what you saw was what you got. a cute girl at the grocery store? a stunning guy in line at the coffee shop? Once you mustered up the gumption to ask that attractive individual out the only potential surprises were personality-based. And while that’s a world of fun all on its own, the digital age in which we live has added another facet of surprise to the dating game: physical surprise. The majority of us have turned to one kind of online dating or another. Some jump in feet first, signing up for multiple web sites and spending hours poring over profile perfection and sending detail correspondences to potential dates; while others just click through a few profiles, send a half-hearted, “Hey, what’s up?” then call it a night. The motivation for moving your dating pursuits online is highly individualized, but reasons include: ·         a work schedule too busy for bar hopping ·         Social anxiety or shyness ·         a need to preview the selection before committing ·         And so on Put Your Real Foot Forward Whatever your basis for getting online to find romance, the first thing to consider is you. And that’s why a high-quality profile picture is the key to a great online dating profile. Finding love starts with being happy with yourself, and being happy with yourself can’t happen without accepting who you are. If you read up on any diet and exercise plans like, for instance, the Diet Solution Program reviews of happy, healthy people who found that losing weight alone wasn’t what made them feel great about themselves; themselves is what made them feel great.

So when you endeavor to capture yourself in a picture for a dating profile, first and foremost, be realistic. No Photoshop. No awkward angles. No blurry, partial pictures. Remember, your aim is to draw people in to you, not a person who looks a little like you. Picture Your Passion Love horses? Huge baseball fan? Have a giant collection of Beanie Babies? No matter how eccentric your interests could be, an awesome profile picture will in one way or another capture them. A picture of a person doesn’t tell quite definitely, but a picture of a person holding up their prized collection of Johnny Cash records, or showcasing their archery trophies, gives insight into who that person is, what they’re passionate about, and what they like. Put On A Happy Face Smiling is a given. Everyone looks best when they smile, so just take action.

But don’t just flash a  grin and pose such as a highschool yearbook photo—have fun with yourself. Make a silly face, put on a goofy hat, or snap a shot with the mascot from your favorite sports team. When looking for a partner, almost all of us want someone we can have fun with. Even the weight loss program the Truth About Six Pack Abs reviews states that attraction isn’t just physical; we’re attracted to people’s personalities, and way that they carry themselves too—perhaps more strongly than we have been to their bodies. A profile picture that shows your fun, wild and wacky sides is a lot more likely to attract people you’re actually interested in spending time with. Don’t Be Risqué Especially for women, the temptation to post sexy, alluring photos on a dating profile can be hard to resist. And while physical attraction is important, it’s also very dangerous. Remember, what you post online is there forever. Sure, your profile is private, but you should still never post or say anything you wouldn’t want your boss, family, young ones or friends to stumble upon. In addition to that, lurid photos tend to attract the wrong type of suitors. I know, I know, “I get it, Dad!” But it’s an extremely important thing to consider, and bears repeating.

Privacy Is Classy Most web sites will allow you to post multiple, sometimes unlimited, photos. Don’t. Two or three elegant, fun shots of yourself—ranging from full-body (a picture next to your pet horse, or at the beach with a surfboard) to head shots only, and maybe a silly (but classy!) picture of you from New Year’s Eve or St. Patrick’s Day will suffice. 50 % of the in dating is getting to know someone, so leaving a bit to be desired in your profile photos is a mark in your favor. Show just enough to say, “This is who I am,” but leave enough undiscovered that potentials matches think, “ I want to know more!”   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating, Relationships, Tips & Advice Tagged in: attraction, dating tips, Online Dating At least this one wasn’t bloody… Me…a stepmother?

I wasn’t born with a mommy gene. In fact, I refused to babysit in highschool when all my friends were making good money doing it. The very thought of being responsible for a little kid didn’t appeal to me. There were too many other things I wanted to do, like make out with my boyfriend. Nobody was more surprised than me when I ended up marrying a man who had two young ones. At first it terrified me. I was certain our relationship was doomed when his daughters initially ignored my attempts of reaching out to them. But soon things started to change. They liked that they could speak with me about “girl stuff”. Since this was my area of expertise, I had no problem discussing boys, hair, clothes, and other girly subjects. Finally, I’d hit a comfort zone of sorts with them. We were bonding. I decided that I wasn’t too bad at this stepmother thing. I could actually connect with young ones. Maybe I should even have kid of my very own.

As it turns out, I was not as prepared for girl talk as I’d thought. Last Saturday, I was taking care of my younger stepdaughter Emma since her mother was out of town. We were playing around at the beach, when abruptly her eyes grew wide. She tapped my shoulder and whispered to me that she’d started her period for the very first time. When I asked if she was sure, she reached into her pants and produced a bloody finger as proof. I almost fainted. This was happening on my watch? This was supposed to be her mother’s territory, not mine! Apparently they don’t teach the birds and the bees at school anymore, since kids get all of their information from reliable sources like their pre-pubescent friends and the Interwebs. So it was up to me to explain what to use and how and why. (Let’s just say her friends were really wrong when they “educated” her on menstrual cycles.) Whatever happened to the classic after-school specials I watched growing up, with teary teenagers and understanding parents who could spell things out better than I could? Where was Judy Blume to explain what this was and how it would feel?

I needed help.